3 Threats to Emotional Safety in Relationships and What You Can Do
Emotional safety in relationships refers to the feeling of security and trust that allows us to express our thoughts, feelings, and vulnerabilities without fear of judgment, rejection, or retaliation. It is characterized by an environment where open communication is encouraged, and partners feel respected and valued.
Maintaining emotional safety is an important part of strong, healthy relationships. Let’s take a look at what types of behaviors threaten to tear it down:
Defensiveness
When we habitually respond with defensiveness in our relationships, we communicate to our partners that we aren't safe to confide in and that their experience isn't valued by us.
Criticism
Criticism using "you always" and "you never" statements fosters insecurity and resentment in relationships. By default, it identifies our partners as the problem or enemy rather than communicating the genuine need behind the criticism.
Attachment Wounds
Emotional wounds from past betrayal or abandonment can impact how we respond to conflict in our current relationships. Insecure attachment responses like stonewalling or lashing out push our loved ones away and inhibit healthy communication.
What You Can Do
Stop, breathe, and self-reflect. Ask yourself what emotion lies beneath the defensiveness and what part of yourself you're defending.
Use "I" statements and feeling words to explain how an action or situation impacts you and communicate the underlying need that isn't being met. I recommend using a Feelings Wheel!
Seek out individual or relationship therapy to understand how your own attachment style impacts your relationships and work towards secure attachment.
